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Monday, June 18, 2007

Peace?

Let go and wash me of this…I remember all and while it is not my thing- I have.
Rid me of this disaster that I call love…for love would not torture me so sweetly…my fear of standing alone has come to pass and I ache at this reality….so I wish not to belong in the realm of such deep ruin much longer than I can stand….
I can’t feel my feet as I walk the path intended upon so I want to run…run into your arms and find my solace that became my ever so awaken dream.
But now I fear I have tormented myself far too long….
I fight to win the race that’s now over and I take with me the victory of a treasure more powerful than Gold.
Don’t wish upon a thought provoking dream…
Come….seek your solace in me.

Friday, June 15, 2007

To be...

A smile, a glance and I was lead into a whirlwind of thought that every passion could not blind… A story began almost as of any other and faint whispers left lights were darkness once called home.

My heart trembles at your sight bringing with it bravery by design…do you know this design?

My subdued fire burst into flames by your charm, your life, those….eyes and I swear I have never felt lips this perfect… and without remorse it was as if I were meant to taste.

Yet with greatness comes pain….of not knowing, not seeing….of…hurt…and in one full swoop one path lay broken with a grasping for air as it left the bodies as corpses.

Obsidian butterfly emerges to breath life into what had fallen victim to circumstance…life to the brokenness that was to live separate…and I meet those eyes again, those fearful glances of “what if” calming into a solace of what now?

Shudder to think that these pieces be left in collapse, that their be no hope where it once lived out its life fruitless…where restoration has risen, glance at the darn of hope still left to be…

One by one the thought of something that could never be fixed swallowed by the fortitude of our first glances-seeing no crack, yet a new structure developed stalwart….left as though magic were performed on the hearts and minds by those who befell…

If you were meant to be here then be- no question of wanting not to stay.

You have become my soul and torn as such, the healer will prevail.

Friday, April 13, 2007

Misunderstanding

Extreme victors of romance lie dormant on the steps of disparaging thoughts to produce distraction…the levels of my mind can’t bare thought without presence of…
the mystical way you enter a room torments me to relive a fantasy that I can not play…well…

Why do you seem so cautious yet reveal chaos, and can I live in that moment?

My anger torments me…so I have become this deliberation of past moments not sought out quickly and the room fills unlike any scent I know…be brave and dutiful is a shame that I have come to forget, sweet child, yet I know not how your silence has become so welcomed.

Laugh if you must, but I must lie here in the silhouette of this place in dire need of some restitution…you are unlike any thing that I have shown in likeness…

Any revolting thought about which we have dreamed can only live in science fiction and I have no wonder become a relentless game where dung lives to breath…do I…No- it’s sickening to feel to the emotion bubbling over like a pot of hot water on a cold stove and I feel it, know it and own it…what do you think?

I wish only my thoughts would flow so freely as my mouth does and without it, I am nothing to the effect that I started…but a past.

The taste in my mouth bitters a sweet smell of flesh burrowing in the darkness of light and the vast contradiction that I am is not what I have…

The village of people that have not lived, live ever so peacefully and you blame love on their acts of tranquility…do you know nothing of the place within that pushes hard to free itself?

Or have you come to this place for solace, temporarily seeking a setting that was removed long before your utterance…why not fight for the program to continue when the guide has lead you astray.

Follow your glances, seek advances and take advantage of the moment placed in front of you…O wise Poet, understand or you will be left to live this peace as only a piece that was missed when separation tweaked it.

Unplug your detrimental canopy, allow the light to shine through…I am the lotion that will keep you from being burned by the suns rays of hurtful pleasure- yet you do not know that…So continue on…

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Inside the Room of My Soul

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are quite expressive and thoughtful. You see the world in a way that others are blind to.

You are a grounded person, but you also leave room for imagination and dreams. You feet may be on the ground, but you're head is in the clouds.

You see yourself with pretty objective eyes. How you view yourself is almost exactly how other people view you.

Your near future is calm, relaxing, and pretty much what you want. And it's something you've been anticipating for a while now.

For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Unknown To Myself

I feel an emptiness, a longing for….the unknown…I have no words of complaint for the things that I have not said, yet I wish to divulge myself to… myself…how can the sweetness of a of smile and the calm of a touch not be adequate …I question my intentions of restlessness… I question my stance of reality to question my presence…Have I grown tired of the whimsical thoughts that please me to stay?

What is this driving patience that I feel to be contented with being confused…Am I not confused only wishing to bring moments back of myself to have fortitude about the things I do not have….what does it mean when we weep a silent prayer of vigilance, capture a thought in the daylight only to bring about darkness.

I haven’t pleased myself in this longing desire to flee, I have become a victim of my despair and now I have only created a stench of rotting and decaying flesh….a smell that now has grown sweet…being welcomed with delight and I ponder on what does that mean.

Have I embraced the darkness?

Numb only to the facts of the day, yet becoming a solid form in liquid shape, meaning nothing- feeling absolutely…everything…I feel you in the darkness as I dream.

I can see in the darkness… and I really don’t mean to…

I want to close my eyes and become the warm salver that brings joy and happiness back, yet can I exist but for a moment to live…my quiet eyes hold no despair for the contempt that I have found solace…my eyes have shown no glory or mercy for the nature of things that I learn daily…I want to become something else.

I no longer wish the darkness to flee…but I desire to have it re-positioned into another furnace of thought and now I ache constantly and it has become cold.

Now the coldness brings chills of fear to my form and I have not known this type of amusement in the past 7 months…or was it years?
Do I welcome the thoughts that they produce within or have I already captured them making them something else entirely…making them… obedient.

My soul needs rest and I am tired of trying. I desire to have the rest of my mind to live in a place where I no longer feel. With a test you can become what knowledge you create or its said. Now my ramblings offer me no ease at which I can escape, so I read hoping to relieve some suffering…

Your words magnify me and without them I feel that energy has been lost. So now, you won’t speak! Pull the strings of hair from my head to have this moment replaced with a moment in time that we were in utter reverence…and I ramble on to nothing wishing only for you to speak a silent gesture that never comes…praying that I never forget this moment because it has made us…History.

Monday, March 05, 2007

Retaliation

Did I piss you off with that offering my by brutality…I can be that which you thought I was not…and knowing myself to know you is all you could really see or were you walking as a blind man…
No, not calling you our of your name- but a vocation of what I was seeing- peering into the windows of my sold soul…I was trying to do too much

How can the bullshit you place in prose relegate me in your life- when you seem so eager for me to be around…I love you and that utterance of fact now sickens my stomach to offer remorse to the thought of the you in we….

Nasty how I can turn around that which I have learned and you being the successor have not played the game all too well…oh, I’m sorry it was me!
It seems that you were playing Halo and I was on Monopoly thinking you were even on the board…why fight when peace was all that was needed or was it just a piece…

I have deigned to be there, but when I offer the possibility of the latter, you retaliate…why?
Or are you really a prose that simple…

You come off as an aberration that overrates himself to a position higher that it appears…although you may not be talking to me- How can you conclude that this prose, in its simplicity, includes everything about you.

However irrational this may be my venting of the situation of thought came about from years past- but in all my talking you hear nothing but what you feel is necessary for thought of you to strike…

I know that once pen hits the paper there is no recourse and although it may seem well or well off…I truly was the one that is truly the aberration, after all.

The you we were to understand

The I in me clings to every word of the page like a favorite tune on 97.9…and I don’t even listen to that station!... I am a created fantasy, one that not even the we in me can tame- yet I have forfeit thoughts of rationality to allow IT to creep in on a snowy haze…ruining all…. I am crushed and I miss you…

My tears came from the snow and while I wished for them to wash me clean they brought amongst them an unpleasant fever…Now I have only acquired a comprehension of the me in I…so the you in we could live, can we live?

I had a bad reaction to the shellfish… one the brought about your departure…and I still smell you…..I guess sometimes women should just shut the fuck up!

How can I be so bold as to allow you to enter into a place that dwells in darkness…I fear now that the taste of me sours your stomach and I should have never opened that can of beans…Yet I feel the coward of the you in we have brought about a new silence, one the demonstrates possibilities of your existence of the you in us.

How does the displeasure of thoughts disintegrate into the abyss of spoken word…now it seems that you hide behind your prose.
I have denigrated my existence…and while I’d love for the you in we to accept it, I will not ask for it is something I am unsure of…

I was told not more than 2 weeks ago to walk away, but how do you walk away from something that is no longer there…how do I become someone I am not…why do I even try…I really don’t want to leave… almost as a need.

Your style reflects a passion within me to shine and I wish that the light would no longer blind my existence….I have come to a place of restitution- though I cannot see it at this distance because your silhouette blocks the light.

Will you move over three steps?

Can I really live here in the places of thought that wish not to be disclosed even as its maker…I am not something that I am only to become something that I am not…I am what I thought was to be…so, do I share this…
And I am angry and no sleep can make shelter for the mind and cloudiness for the soul; because I can’t be spoken to…there is no direct line to open communication if I don’t allow it…

You can’t expect me to feel wanted as every outside aspect is telling me to flee…I can only fight but so much before death takes over and leaves you to see the I in me as nothing…Why do you close down so brilliantly and allow no one in…is this your past not really dealt with- something that you’ve strewn through the years as a normalcy…I want to understand.

Do you think that you were you good enough! Don’t use me as a puppet toward your enjoyment, I have cut the strings…I am not the chameleon that you claim, notice the reaction to the shellfish…

So what is this….Are you scared?...I need to understand!

If you can no longer deal, walk away…. but answer my questions first…There is a need to understand.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Race

I feel the race of my breath beating silently against my heart…dryness fills the cup of my tongue and I am speechless…I wept silently then inwardly revealing the shiver that overtook each word on the page, not wanting it to end.

Erection from each limb succeeds to open my eyes and live truth…maybe.

Such breathtaking presence shakes me from the cold into the heat of winter and…WOW…I am really here…not wanting to leave the essence as I draw nearer to the window exclaiming victory…victory!

I feel a sudden urge to listen attentively…touch indecently…and whisper, euphorically…moving the very being into creation…the one that’s hidden out of sight, deep in the crevices…your thought provoked an ember contained and the fire spake before I was able to notice there was voice.

Magnificent.

My mind weeps again as I realize I am no longer awake but in a dream…in a state of being…I am foggy…my eyes glaze over and I realize I cannot see. I am sober.

The metaphors used instinctively captured me revealing the next phrase…I swoon, and believe that I can walk a straight line- drunk…My sanity is torn…I can’t find my way out of this pleasure unfocused…I lapse into a creative funk and strewn my fantasies while revolving around them… I collapse, heart pounding silently against my thoughts and I cannot believe I am here…the static that clings to me, burns and blinds and I want to rid myself of it but I am not withering due to it, so I weep.

I weep a song of patience one so trivial to my being that I am disclosed, misplaced and I wait…the pattern has found me utterly disgusted of the significance it brings to sound…I can not wait and I forced to drive a path that I have designed utterly impossible…I want to close this off and being again a new driven path- roads that I have not known to create on the fly.

Silence.

I watch as the days go by and I am satisfied being unfulfilled, how can I want more when I do not strive for- patience.
I race toward a figure unknown- learning utterly that it’s my reflection in the shadows of the dark surrounded by light, inviting light. Living…for light…and I race.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Silently I wait

I have come to fight the thoughts of pestilence submerging fortitude into the abyss of dreams I want to live…is it the loss of interest that brings me to a place of defeat…I sent a text to reveal the me of thought and I cannot play here in the mind of dreams, so I give in and listen to silence while I await you…

What does it mean when we say nothing…have we come up with a black hole to live in…So I play temptation with the flute of disparaging to prolong time…I don’t want to loose an era for the future…I have suspended all pleasure for this to come out…and the pit reveals the disclosure of this nervous feeling…

What am I to say except, shut out the thoughts of contemplation and BE…forget the minds of we- separate…love? What is this, except a common fallacy shared by all…

I can’t forgo the sunshine, the pounding of my blood vessel to bring us back while sinking ships with its red clay sea…I want to smoke away the silence that lives in us to see your butterfly untrammeled and fluttery a boisterous soliloquy, revealing all sources of displeasure.

I can’t talk the mind of shrewd bliss…cleanse the windows of your soul and be complacent to be peaceful…unknown to my reasons…you’re still here…
Are you?
I cannot hear the whisper of your footsteps among the shadows of night and I have come to listen to the silence while I wait…

I hear you peacefully reciting an oral musing while I await the silent music of pieces… falling…I give you time knowing that I am not what I have seen…your beauty is opulent and while it makes no sense for it to be here, I still welcome it.

Mystery mystifies the pursuit…yet I remain inward proposing to widen the clutter that I am…listen to me while I await the silence of you…

When I became the failure, you saw no reason to stay, but no reason to come to my aid- vainly hoping that I would pull myself out of the darkness…why do you turn so easily when the sight displeases your vision…your life is full of things that I cannot master and while securely I rest on the blanket of knowledge, you can never fully understand what breaks me to remain. Loose rationale has forever lost its place in my home and I cannot come to bear the fact that emotion is trying to replace it…it’s never been welcome.

I am so clearly swayed by thoughts that I will loose out on time that I have become patient in my waiting…wanting, searching, for a way to break the silence and free the bird that can never be captured…Have you thought about what it means to remain still?

It’s frightening.

My gracious attempts to please you have been lost with an attempt to understand myself and why I am so accommodating… I dislike a rocky boat and while I rationalize away emotion, it creeps up in my attempts to be normal- a fact I never have come to recognize.

I wonder why is it that I wait.

The beats slow to a whisper and I know that I am waiting….not for you but for myself.

Monday, January 22, 2007

You didn't have to ask

You don’t have to ask for something that came so freely….something that my heart bought into the thought of…I never asked to meet you, I never asked to seek you and yet time revealed to me another agenda…one not my own...one that I now know….So….

I hate that you've come to this palace christened self-insanity…a place that you have come to bear the darkness of my sight…I only wanted to express to you….Me…but time was something that you could not offer…and I wasted it with utterance of misfortunes….my mind was lost and I could not say what I needed to say…something so minimal …an epiphany that could you now come to understand…Me

The sight of my presence shakes me to realize that I have come to a place that I no longer want to be…I want one week ago…exactly…a situation that replaces here and now…

I want to say some greatness to make us stronger….I want to say…

"Defy my gravity and fall into a place that you no longer loathe….see reality for what it is and leave emotion behind…see, truly with your eyes and not just with your heart and open yourself to the possibilities… of…life…"

I wish there were magical phrases to capture thought and make words disappear to reveal themselves shattered in an utterly impossible fallacy….I have seen the light, yet I am this crippled being with out limbs being forced to search out that way…all I needed was support... stability- yet I could not form the prose- disappointment faltered inward where the callous-altering blisters punctured serene pleasure.

I know I tired you out with cold phrases of discontent… uproar was not meant to be involved in this place that we have called our locale, now I sense you’ve grown weary of being this resident…and I did not plan for this…I only wanted you to understand my insanity on some sane level…on a perceptive level…my insecurities falls into place eloquently because…

You didn’t have to ask for love…. it was freely given.

Who effing cares....

To know the answer may plague you with ideas, unknown….does it really intrigue you to have that wisdom….how can many be involved in so much, yet you disallow the happenings of my divine pleasure….I would say to hell with you but then the point would be mute….

From poetry to pride you have not known what intentions are real, you live in a fantasy of fiction and plague and welcome me with open arms….do I divulge the distinctions that you’ve overlooked?...can I enter in the dark and bloody supports that bring salutation to my senses…another glass filled to the brim hold me to the page of the scepter which pierces my soul of flesh.

Open your eyes dammit!…see only what you wanting to see, gets you where?...tell me, so that its known what feeling I need to eradicate from existence…the feelings I thought were mutual… But with this new presence, my self cannot live here anymore- you welcomed the alter ego to awaken….

Is there room?
Are you capable of that question?
Do I call?...or leave my sentiment out of the equation to follow something new?

Don’t worry you say….to you…I was, I am…..Not, any longer…and then I call- No answer…forget it! You have lost so royally, I have nothing left here for you….

I hope that it makes you happy- I no longer care!

Friday, January 05, 2007

Chants of my mantra

Is it a task so simple that begs no response…I know not what is spoken in the mind of the wonderer, yet I welcome the interpretation…I’ve forgotten myself, my dainty sanity- elusive…

Wild flowers can’t pretend to be bushes yet you attempt façades, leaving open shutters to windows bellowing nudity…inner sanctum can’t be pierced when its filled with lead…so how can I remember a phrase looked upon with contempt.

If my solitude displeases you then make awareness, not allowances…bring forth degradation of prideful attempts to please yourself…fortitude can’t be bought and sold as slaves…I wonder, ponder and ignited within a philosophy to allow partition of my sensitivity to things unknown….these have brought me far beyond this place of complacency and yet I wonder how indifference views induction.

Why can’t words leave like the flutters of my gut…haven’t I said anything?

Impossibilities…me?

Let it go, let it be- chants of my mantra. Be still and have peace invades my very aspect as I come to terms with the reality of it…It? I have lost every space of my insanity…leaving me to question sanity… am I that unbearable to leave questions unanswered, non-deserving.

Chants of my mantra…befriend myself….Chants of mantra….peace….I will not fulfill this life legacy unresolved….I can not.

Rather ignorant to have ignorance….can anything be done….have you given up all hope…is this the truth?

I hope that with chants of mantra, I can provide that stability needed…if not- let me know.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Garden Of Unity?

Enter into the garden and behold the beauty of your delicate orchid….attempt to grasp something that may wither subtly, so silently understand the insubstantial feel may invoke-pain…

The plan is…the plan was….deferred and now I have this open wound beginning to heal…you have…quiet.


Push past weeds of vague possibilities seeing that you have arrived…in the fragrance of my undisclosed address… Can you see butterflies retarding from frivolous intentions….their path designed a unhappiness that I wish not to disclose…enter into the closed door….enter in and find black walls wishing to be painted with light…

My question are imploring….So tell me, how do you feel…really?

Is this something that you want to hear?
Is this something that you are able to play?
Questions that lie dormant….not truly deserving an answer…no answer truly being possible…actions can only satisfy what really begs the difference…

And I can not hold my tongue any longer….your presence lifted into my reality has found a home….Unable to detect where it’s placed… But it’s my obligation to locate the floor to trap it… to inspect it…to clean it…later finding that it was never there...


My aspirations now compounded by ominous growth that entered the garden….Showing that the life of this delicate and wonderful orchid is vanishing.