I can’t sleep…and this thought that plagues my mind is relentless- it plays drums of haughty strings and I cannot escape to silence.
I cannot began to think of the humanistic qualities of life in which this existence has brought a 44th unrealized for a time when walking was dangerous-but it’s here
There is hope given to many that have not had it for some time. And I can’t sleep...
I cannot look….into the eyes of my lover for there is extinction in the shallow pits of darkness giving income to emptiness
I want to sob… for the things that I have already and laugh for the items whose future still looks ahead.
And I can’t sleep, because sleep would be too kind, it would be some peace and it would be my dream…
And I can’t sleep for it would tear away the thoughts into an abyss, my dear friend I…
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Though the Storm Rages
This particular article really spoke to me. As I was reading it, I thought about how I felt the same exact way and how I have spoken with friends who were going through storms of life without hope or joy to hold onto at times. I think that if this is read with a somewhat open heart, you will take away what was meant for you to take away. I wanted to share this because I felt that someone maybe needs to hear this today. Whatever you are going through you are not alone, and if you are not going through anything then TGBTG! Push forward...and walk with this author.
Where is God in the Midst of Crisis?
Jen Booth
Storms will confront us many times in our lives, expected and unexpected. They come in the form of disasters, deaths, broken homes, sickness, unemployment, you name it. They seem fueled by evil, and we find ourselves forgetting God and hiding from the chaos, defenseless. That is the place the enemy wants us to be -- in a hole, afraid, alone...hopeless. We neglect to look for the many signs of encouragement and reassurance He sprinkles throughout our day. Signs that He is right here with us. Proof that He IS, and that we are never alone.
Not long ago, my State began preparing for Hurricane Gustav. At the nursing home I work at, our administrative staff had multiple meetings on how to aid evacuees from a sister facility on the coast. Even when we were not in meetings, we talked about it. When I got home from work and turned on the news, all headlines blared the "mother of all storms" was shooting straight for us. It occupied most of my thoughts. And each time I thought of it, an awful darkness washed over me.
Real fear.
Memories of Hurricane Katrina flooded me daily. I saw again the hallowed faces of elderly nursing home residents as we pulled them from ambulances, praying they were still alive. I saw relived terror as evacuees in red cross blankets described the flood they survived. I saw the tears of so many single mothers as they held their children and grieved the loss of every possession they owned. The urgency and despair was indescribable. Their hopelessness broke my heart. I thought, Please, God, don't let it happen again! Not again!
I was paralyzed spiritually by the fear. It was strangely difficult for me to pray, and I lost my desire to drink of His word. All I thought about was the approaching storm. Somehow through all of this, the thought came that I might be under spiritual attack. I went to God about it, repented, and asked Him to speak to me. For the next two days, the verse at the top of my email devotional was Isaiah 41:10, "Do not fear, for I am with you. Do not look anxiously about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you. Surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand" (NASB). I meditated on that verse, and on chapters 40 and 41 of Isaiah. I felt some peace, but was not totally restored inside until I prayed with a friend for deliverance.
Gustav raged on Louisiana, but it was nothing like what we suffered three years ago. And as I watched news coverage, I felt no fear. As tired evacuees came to the nursing home for shelter, I only felt a sense of purpose. God could actually use me to pour out His love on these people when I kept my eyes on Him and not on the storm.
The apostle Peter learned quickly to keep his eyes on the Lord. Can you imagine how excited he must have been when Jesus invited him to walk on top of the sea? And how thrilled he was to feel rough waters become firm beneath his feet? Step by step, he walked to Jesus. Then he looked around... and the harsh waves overtook him. Jesus saved him, of course.
It's the same way with us. Whatever storm you are facing, know that Jesus will carry you through it if you let him. The 9th verse of Isaiah 41 states, "You who I have taken from the ends of the earth, and called from its remotest parts, and said to you, you are my servant, I have chosen you and have not rejected you - do not fear." (NASB)
Do you see how precious you are to Him? He will guide you through the storm because you are His. However, the devil is watching you, waiting for you to take your eyes off of your Lord so he can "pounce on you like a roaring lion" and destroy your hope.
A song by Casting Crowns (my favorite group) has the lyrics:
I will praise you in this stormAnd I will lift my handsYou are who you areNo matter where I amAnd every tear I've criedYou hold in you handsYou've never left my sideAnd though my heart is tornI will praise you in this storm
God promises us in Romans 8: 39 that, "Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Jesus is always near, waiting for us to reach out to him for help. He never leaves us alone with our pain.
As I write this, another hurricane is barreling toward us. It might be horrible, but this storm is not too big for my God. Bring it on.
Jen Booth is a social worker and a budding author. She resides with her husband in Louisiana. You can contact her at jenbooth26@aol.com
Where is God in the Midst of Crisis?
Jen Booth
Storms will confront us many times in our lives, expected and unexpected. They come in the form of disasters, deaths, broken homes, sickness, unemployment, you name it. They seem fueled by evil, and we find ourselves forgetting God and hiding from the chaos, defenseless. That is the place the enemy wants us to be -- in a hole, afraid, alone...hopeless. We neglect to look for the many signs of encouragement and reassurance He sprinkles throughout our day. Signs that He is right here with us. Proof that He IS, and that we are never alone.
Not long ago, my State began preparing for Hurricane Gustav. At the nursing home I work at, our administrative staff had multiple meetings on how to aid evacuees from a sister facility on the coast. Even when we were not in meetings, we talked about it. When I got home from work and turned on the news, all headlines blared the "mother of all storms" was shooting straight for us. It occupied most of my thoughts. And each time I thought of it, an awful darkness washed over me.
Real fear.
Memories of Hurricane Katrina flooded me daily. I saw again the hallowed faces of elderly nursing home residents as we pulled them from ambulances, praying they were still alive. I saw relived terror as evacuees in red cross blankets described the flood they survived. I saw the tears of so many single mothers as they held their children and grieved the loss of every possession they owned. The urgency and despair was indescribable. Their hopelessness broke my heart. I thought, Please, God, don't let it happen again! Not again!
I was paralyzed spiritually by the fear. It was strangely difficult for me to pray, and I lost my desire to drink of His word. All I thought about was the approaching storm. Somehow through all of this, the thought came that I might be under spiritual attack. I went to God about it, repented, and asked Him to speak to me. For the next two days, the verse at the top of my email devotional was Isaiah 41:10, "Do not fear, for I am with you. Do not look anxiously about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you. Surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand" (NASB). I meditated on that verse, and on chapters 40 and 41 of Isaiah. I felt some peace, but was not totally restored inside until I prayed with a friend for deliverance.
Gustav raged on Louisiana, but it was nothing like what we suffered three years ago. And as I watched news coverage, I felt no fear. As tired evacuees came to the nursing home for shelter, I only felt a sense of purpose. God could actually use me to pour out His love on these people when I kept my eyes on Him and not on the storm.
The apostle Peter learned quickly to keep his eyes on the Lord. Can you imagine how excited he must have been when Jesus invited him to walk on top of the sea? And how thrilled he was to feel rough waters become firm beneath his feet? Step by step, he walked to Jesus. Then he looked around... and the harsh waves overtook him. Jesus saved him, of course.
It's the same way with us. Whatever storm you are facing, know that Jesus will carry you through it if you let him. The 9th verse of Isaiah 41 states, "You who I have taken from the ends of the earth, and called from its remotest parts, and said to you, you are my servant, I have chosen you and have not rejected you - do not fear." (NASB)
Do you see how precious you are to Him? He will guide you through the storm because you are His. However, the devil is watching you, waiting for you to take your eyes off of your Lord so he can "pounce on you like a roaring lion" and destroy your hope.
A song by Casting Crowns (my favorite group) has the lyrics:
I will praise you in this stormAnd I will lift my handsYou are who you areNo matter where I amAnd every tear I've criedYou hold in you handsYou've never left my sideAnd though my heart is tornI will praise you in this storm
God promises us in Romans 8: 39 that, "Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Jesus is always near, waiting for us to reach out to him for help. He never leaves us alone with our pain.
As I write this, another hurricane is barreling toward us. It might be horrible, but this storm is not too big for my God. Bring it on.
Jen Booth is a social worker and a budding author. She resides with her husband in Louisiana. You can contact her at jenbooth26@aol.com
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
10/1/08 12:18am
This is a rough of what I just wrote....I finally felt inspired to write- Take away what you will.
I am washed feeling the pain of this loneliness, seeking comfort that I shall not find in the those who enter to console…I wish for a vanquish of emotion in my life, for objects of desire with no stake. I long for a love that shall not be tempted into being removed and I have a heart for those who hurt -yet I remain –untouched, as an oxymoron of thoughts.
I have a block of nothing - I cannot write well to express my individuality and my muse has become my distant past so I cannot create within a new cure…I want to feel nothing as you wrap your arms up and play interested in things you shan’t…I pray to exhale the smell of request, of your mere attendance displaying an empty bow without an audience.
With each exhale I leave nothing to imagination but fruitlessness and anger, so I place a label on the boredom that I have come acquainted with to replace…it offers me no solace which sucks!...
As a new begins, I realize that I am in sheer desperation as I need an outlet to my frustration…I have a cloak of being that is deserted and efforts have placed themselves in an attempt to remain dark.
At this point I know not what I scribble because insomnia has taken over and now I have no pill to wash closed eyes among the needy…I had an almost wish for my muse to take part of my quiet anger to bring flesh smelled colors to life...yet I realize great pain comes with knowing that truths beginning.
I grow bored of this attempt to create a line on a page that continues and aspire for a cloud of smoke to come and leave its fog upon me bringing misplaced judgement.
Now I sit in the heart that has become my temperature impending the realization that I have found a clue to my prose that was considered lost…Ending a note that made no sense to end...allowed the gaze of this game you play that I have no time for, therefore I continue with my life’s pleasures.
I wish for a wash of emotion that can take me from this place where no destructive behaviors lie to torment the reality of which I am.
Can it just wash over me to take away all that I need, leaving only fragments for my education as I wish not a recurrence of the simple ideas brought forth from childhood. A cavity of anger washes over me to understand of what I will be given, something higher than I had imagined…How I wish for a wash- an emptiness that fills all voids to enclose happiness without a nuisance of longing, only a wash on clean fabrics-fresh and exhilarating… O how I wish for a wash.
Now I close my taste at a halt and let it wash over
I am washed feeling the pain of this loneliness, seeking comfort that I shall not find in the those who enter to console…I wish for a vanquish of emotion in my life, for objects of desire with no stake. I long for a love that shall not be tempted into being removed and I have a heart for those who hurt -yet I remain –untouched, as an oxymoron of thoughts.
I have a block of nothing - I cannot write well to express my individuality and my muse has become my distant past so I cannot create within a new cure…I want to feel nothing as you wrap your arms up and play interested in things you shan’t…I pray to exhale the smell of request, of your mere attendance displaying an empty bow without an audience.
With each exhale I leave nothing to imagination but fruitlessness and anger, so I place a label on the boredom that I have come acquainted with to replace…it offers me no solace which sucks!...
As a new begins, I realize that I am in sheer desperation as I need an outlet to my frustration…I have a cloak of being that is deserted and efforts have placed themselves in an attempt to remain dark.
At this point I know not what I scribble because insomnia has taken over and now I have no pill to wash closed eyes among the needy…I had an almost wish for my muse to take part of my quiet anger to bring flesh smelled colors to life...yet I realize great pain comes with knowing that truths beginning.
I grow bored of this attempt to create a line on a page that continues and aspire for a cloud of smoke to come and leave its fog upon me bringing misplaced judgement.
Now I sit in the heart that has become my temperature impending the realization that I have found a clue to my prose that was considered lost…Ending a note that made no sense to end...allowed the gaze of this game you play that I have no time for, therefore I continue with my life’s pleasures.
I wish for a wash of emotion that can take me from this place where no destructive behaviors lie to torment the reality of which I am.
Can it just wash over me to take away all that I need, leaving only fragments for my education as I wish not a recurrence of the simple ideas brought forth from childhood. A cavity of anger washes over me to understand of what I will be given, something higher than I had imagined…How I wish for a wash- an emptiness that fills all voids to enclose happiness without a nuisance of longing, only a wash on clean fabrics-fresh and exhilarating… O how I wish for a wash.
Now I close my taste at a halt and let it wash over
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
`How to Hook Up Your Bathroom...So You Can Hook Up Later!'
Why is it that women suffer through the nastiness of men’s bathrooms? There is nothing worst than the smell of urine that has been festering and now baked into a guy’s toilet. I think that guys should start to understand of how they are looked at when a lady visits you for the first time to enter into a bathroom that has been hit by a hurricane. Do you want her to return? Or, do you want her to run screaming and holding her nose like she just smelled the equivalent to the world’s sewer consumption.
As a woman, there is nothing more attractive than a clean man, I mean you can be a manly man and still be clean, it is possible. But seriously men, a little cleanser can go a long way especially when it comes to hooking up with that hottie you met on your way to the gym. How many women do you have to turn away that never return until you’ve figured out that your bathroom scared her away? It is that serious.
I know that it hard for some guys to commit time and energy to cleaning up what some call the nastiest part of the house, but hey if means that you might get lucky and keep a woman around-do you not think it’s worth 10 minutes? Yes, that right I’ve broken it down to a science; that is if your bathroom is not borderline landfill. It is possible to clean your bathroom to the point of, “Oh, that’s nice” or “I can’t wait to see you again.”
First things being equal buy cleaning supplies, yes the products you use can actually cut time in half and eliminate how much cleaning you have to do; and no you do not have to spend a fortune on cleaning supplies.
The first task in ‘getting to clean’ should be started in your shower, the place you will work at getting this hottie sometime in the future. There is a simple cleaning mix you can create with a spray bottle, rubbing alcohol, and white vinegar, items that I should hope you have in the pantry. Mix components, shake and use on your showers doors and mirrors. Oh and for the grime and scum, simply use Orange Brite™ Cleanser by Comet and this will do the trick, it cost less than 5 bucks and will also add a orange scent that will be equally attractive to your new visitor. Time equals about 3 minutes which results in the start of a spotless bathroom.
The next fearless task, is the cleaning of the toilet and floors. Now this task may eat away at the remaining 7 minutes depending on how dirty and utterly horrid it is. For this you will need, gloves (yes gloves, because I’m sure you wouldn’t want your hands to touch any waste that has decided to remain). Clean and Flush™ Flushable Toilet Cleaning System by Comet (which really helps, cause you don’t have to get down and dirty with the toilet) will do the trick. It’s a toilet wand that is easy to use and will allow you to have a radiant toilet, without touching the filth or you guys case- debris of leftovers.
The floors are simple, buy a broom; you know that sweepy looking thing that witches in movies fly on, something that most have avoided. This take less than two minutes and you will have completed the task to a workable bathroom that will impress your new visitor into amazement, because every other guy she’s dated was a nasty slob and never, ever had a clean bathroom; and you will diminish those moments where she had to push the guy away to run to the nearest potpourri aisle to recover making her take you in her arms.
So now, do you think this task is doable? Wouldn’t you rather make an impression that brings about lasting visits to your humble abode? This is sure make a enduring fancy by your visitor, and when your boys hang out at your place they will not be afraid to venture in to the walls of doom formerly know as your bathroom. They will be impressed and ask for your advice, because you are the man and the guy they always wanted to be. They will give you high-fives because you are with the hottest woman that is impressed by your cleanliness. All of these efforts will be given unsaid thanks and gratitude, and of course: Mission complete, you have a repeat visitor (a woman)!
© 2005 Zequille Nicole Johnson
As a woman, there is nothing more attractive than a clean man, I mean you can be a manly man and still be clean, it is possible. But seriously men, a little cleanser can go a long way especially when it comes to hooking up with that hottie you met on your way to the gym. How many women do you have to turn away that never return until you’ve figured out that your bathroom scared her away? It is that serious.
I know that it hard for some guys to commit time and energy to cleaning up what some call the nastiest part of the house, but hey if means that you might get lucky and keep a woman around-do you not think it’s worth 10 minutes? Yes, that right I’ve broken it down to a science; that is if your bathroom is not borderline landfill. It is possible to clean your bathroom to the point of, “Oh, that’s nice” or “I can’t wait to see you again.”
First things being equal buy cleaning supplies, yes the products you use can actually cut time in half and eliminate how much cleaning you have to do; and no you do not have to spend a fortune on cleaning supplies.
The first task in ‘getting to clean’ should be started in your shower, the place you will work at getting this hottie sometime in the future. There is a simple cleaning mix you can create with a spray bottle, rubbing alcohol, and white vinegar, items that I should hope you have in the pantry. Mix components, shake and use on your showers doors and mirrors. Oh and for the grime and scum, simply use Orange Brite™ Cleanser by Comet and this will do the trick, it cost less than 5 bucks and will also add a orange scent that will be equally attractive to your new visitor. Time equals about 3 minutes which results in the start of a spotless bathroom.
The next fearless task, is the cleaning of the toilet and floors. Now this task may eat away at the remaining 7 minutes depending on how dirty and utterly horrid it is. For this you will need, gloves (yes gloves, because I’m sure you wouldn’t want your hands to touch any waste that has decided to remain). Clean and Flush™ Flushable Toilet Cleaning System by Comet (which really helps, cause you don’t have to get down and dirty with the toilet) will do the trick. It’s a toilet wand that is easy to use and will allow you to have a radiant toilet, without touching the filth or you guys case- debris of leftovers.
The floors are simple, buy a broom; you know that sweepy looking thing that witches in movies fly on, something that most have avoided. This take less than two minutes and you will have completed the task to a workable bathroom that will impress your new visitor into amazement, because every other guy she’s dated was a nasty slob and never, ever had a clean bathroom; and you will diminish those moments where she had to push the guy away to run to the nearest potpourri aisle to recover making her take you in her arms.
So now, do you think this task is doable? Wouldn’t you rather make an impression that brings about lasting visits to your humble abode? This is sure make a enduring fancy by your visitor, and when your boys hang out at your place they will not be afraid to venture in to the walls of doom formerly know as your bathroom. They will be impressed and ask for your advice, because you are the man and the guy they always wanted to be. They will give you high-fives because you are with the hottest woman that is impressed by your cleanliness. All of these efforts will be given unsaid thanks and gratitude, and of course: Mission complete, you have a repeat visitor (a woman)!
© 2005 Zequille Nicole Johnson
Friday, February 01, 2008
My Sweet Temptation
My sweetest temptation…you are blind by my ambition to leave you…I wish for nothing more that my sanity restored to a point of consistency
I wish nothing more of you, yet when your words flow over me, I forget all sense of how to walk away…I see your honesty on levels of sold distances and I wish I could play meaning on my IPOD.
I long for the cold brisk of truth to set in with each encounter to revolt me back to life…back to open eyes…back to see you for what you truly are.
No pun against your existence, yet I have a life to live…and with each moment of our shared existence I know that am wasting valuables that we can never obtain…
Why does an allowance of torment live in this reality? We know that nothing remains after I leave, so enjoy one more moment of that glimpse… Your heart begs to be seen, yet I have no eyes for that part of my soul…All is lost on you and I know this yet I cannot bring myself to resist you…
And each time I say no, my heart speaks yes to open the flood gates of confusion over us well again…you sing peace to my flesh and the company of you warms my spirit…I cannot begin to forget all of the time spent…notice I did not say wasted, as I feel now it was never a waste to be blessed with your life’s burdens…
I seek the candle’s flame to relive the moments of transpiration... Entanglement, bewilderment and speech…. Can you forget the hours or the places or me? I never knew the amount of respect you did have, because disrespect seemed so glorious…and what of it… now does not represent a time of a future for us, so why do I harp on this notion of explanation to myself.
Smile sweet innocence that once foretold our history, until that first moment. When I just made a decision…I need a quiet moment to myself in my mind that plays no DVDs of you. I should just leave the place of caffeine and sit in the warmth of a place with new stories that re-played to have sustenance prepared internally.
And as I sit and watch the interaction of those unknowingly, it’s common to me that I wish for an entrance of something that will not occur… I must close this lid now and leave, for I am not comfortable here anymore, I seek my sweet temptation.
1/27/08 2:49pm- Wyzequeen
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