You didn't have to ask

You don’t have to ask for something that came so freely….something that my heart bought into the thought of…I never asked to meet you, I never asked to seek you and yet time revealed to me another agenda…one not my own...one that I now know….So….

I hate that you've come to this palace christened self-insanity…a place that you have come to bear the darkness of my sight…I only wanted to express to you….Me…but time was something that you could not offer…and I wasted it with utterance of misfortunes….my mind was lost and I could not say what I needed to say…something so minimal …an epiphany that could you now come to understand…Me

The sight of my presence shakes me to realize that I have come to a place that I no longer want to be…I want one week ago…exactly…a situation that replaces here and now…

I want to say some greatness to make us stronger….I want to say…

"Defy my gravity and fall into a place that you no longer loathe….see reality for what it is and leave emotion behind…see, truly with your eyes and not just with your heart and open yourself to the possibilities… of…life…"

I wish there were magical phrases to capture thought and make words disappear to reveal themselves shattered in an utterly impossible fallacy….I have seen the light, yet I am this crippled being with out limbs being forced to search out that way…all I needed was support... stability- yet I could not form the prose- disappointment faltered inward where the callous-altering blisters punctured serene pleasure.

I know I tired you out with cold phrases of discontent… uproar was not meant to be involved in this place that we have called our locale, now I sense you’ve grown weary of being this resident…and I did not plan for this…I only wanted you to understand my insanity on some sane level…on a perceptive level…my insecurities falls into place eloquently because…

You didn’t have to ask for love…. it was freely given.

Who effing cares....

To know the answer may plague you with ideas, unknown….does it really intrigue you to have that wisdom….how can many be involved in so much, yet you disallow the happenings of my divine pleasure….I would say to hell with you but then the point would be mute….

From poetry to pride you have not known what intentions are real, you live in a fantasy of fiction and plague and welcome me with open arms….do I divulge the distinctions that you’ve overlooked?...can I enter in the dark and bloody supports that bring salutation to my senses…another glass filled to the brim hold me to the page of the scepter which pierces my soul of flesh.

Open your eyes dammit!…see only what you wanting to see, gets you where?...tell me, so that its known what feeling I need to eradicate from existence…the feelings I thought were mutual… But with this new presence, my self cannot live here anymore- you welcomed the alter ego to awaken….

Is there room?
Are you capable of that question?
Do I call?...or leave my sentiment out of the equation to follow something new?

Don’t worry you say….to you…I was, I am…..Not, any longer…and then I call- No answer…forget it! You have lost so royally, I have nothing left here for you….

I hope that it makes you happy- I no longer care!

Chants of my mantra

Is it a task so simple that begs no response…I know not what is spoken in the mind of the wonderer, yet I welcome the interpretation…I’ve forgotten myself, my dainty sanity- elusive…

Wild flowers can’t pretend to be bushes yet you attempt façades, leaving open shutters to windows bellowing nudity…inner sanctum can’t be pierced when its filled with lead…so how can I remember a phrase looked upon with contempt.

If my solitude displeases you then make awareness, not allowances…bring forth degradation of prideful attempts to please yourself…fortitude can’t be bought and sold as slaves…I wonder, ponder and ignited within a philosophy to allow partition of my sensitivity to things unknown….these have brought me far beyond this place of complacency and yet I wonder how indifference views induction.

Why can’t words leave like the flutters of my gut…haven’t I said anything?

Impossibilities…me?

Let it go, let it be- chants of my mantra. Be still and have peace invades my very aspect as I come to terms with the reality of it…It? I have lost every space of my insanity…leaving me to question sanity… am I that unbearable to leave questions unanswered, non-deserving.

Chants of my mantra…befriend myself….Chants of mantra….peace….I will not fulfill this life legacy unresolved….I can not.

Rather ignorant to have ignorance….can anything be done….have you given up all hope…is this the truth?

I hope that with chants of mantra, I can provide that stability needed…if not- let me know.

Garden Of Unity?

Enter into the garden and behold the beauty of your delicate orchid….attempt to grasp something that may wither subtly, so silently understand the insubstantial feel may invoke-pain…

The plan is…the plan was….deferred and now I have this open wound beginning to heal…you have…quiet.

Push past weeds of vague possibilities seeing that you have arrived…in the fragrance of my undisclosed address… Can you see butterflies retarding from frivolous intentions….their path designed a unhappiness that I wish not to disclose…enter into the closed door….enter in and find black walls wishing to be painted with light…

My question are imploring….So tell me, how do you feel…really?
Is this something that you want to hear?
Is this something that you are able to play?
Questions that lie dormant….not truly deserving an answer…no answer truly being possible…actions can only satisfy what really begs the difference…

And I can not hold my tongue any longer….your presence lifted into my reality has found a home….Unable to detect where it’s placed… But it’s my obligation to locate the floor to trap it… to inspect it…to clean it…later finding that it was never there...

My aspirations now compounded by ominous growth that entered the garden….Showing that the life of this delicate and wonderful orchid is vanishing.