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Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Inside the Room of My Soul

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are quite expressive and thoughtful. You see the world in a way that others are blind to.

You are a grounded person, but you also leave room for imagination and dreams. You feet may be on the ground, but you're head is in the clouds.

You see yourself with pretty objective eyes. How you view yourself is almost exactly how other people view you.

Your near future is calm, relaxing, and pretty much what you want. And it's something you've been anticipating for a while now.

For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Unknown To Myself

I feel an emptiness, a longing for….the unknown…I have no words of complaint for the things that I have not said, yet I wish to divulge myself to… myself…how can the sweetness of a of smile and the calm of a touch not be adequate …I question my intentions of restlessness… I question my stance of reality to question my presence…Have I grown tired of the whimsical thoughts that please me to stay?

What is this driving patience that I feel to be contented with being confused…Am I not confused only wishing to bring moments back of myself to have fortitude about the things I do not have….what does it mean when we weep a silent prayer of vigilance, capture a thought in the daylight only to bring about darkness.

I haven’t pleased myself in this longing desire to flee, I have become a victim of my despair and now I have only created a stench of rotting and decaying flesh….a smell that now has grown sweet…being welcomed with delight and I ponder on what does that mean.

Have I embraced the darkness?

Numb only to the facts of the day, yet becoming a solid form in liquid shape, meaning nothing- feeling absolutely…everything…I feel you in the darkness as I dream.

I can see in the darkness… and I really don’t mean to…

I want to close my eyes and become the warm salver that brings joy and happiness back, yet can I exist but for a moment to live…my quiet eyes hold no despair for the contempt that I have found solace…my eyes have shown no glory or mercy for the nature of things that I learn daily…I want to become something else.

I no longer wish the darkness to flee…but I desire to have it re-positioned into another furnace of thought and now I ache constantly and it has become cold.

Now the coldness brings chills of fear to my form and I have not known this type of amusement in the past 7 months…or was it years?
Do I welcome the thoughts that they produce within or have I already captured them making them something else entirely…making them… obedient.

My soul needs rest and I am tired of trying. I desire to have the rest of my mind to live in a place where I no longer feel. With a test you can become what knowledge you create or its said. Now my ramblings offer me no ease at which I can escape, so I read hoping to relieve some suffering…

Your words magnify me and without them I feel that energy has been lost. So now, you won’t speak! Pull the strings of hair from my head to have this moment replaced with a moment in time that we were in utter reverence…and I ramble on to nothing wishing only for you to speak a silent gesture that never comes…praying that I never forget this moment because it has made us…History.

Monday, March 05, 2007

Retaliation

Did I piss you off with that offering my by brutality…I can be that which you thought I was not…and knowing myself to know you is all you could really see or were you walking as a blind man…
No, not calling you our of your name- but a vocation of what I was seeing- peering into the windows of my sold soul…I was trying to do too much

How can the bullshit you place in prose relegate me in your life- when you seem so eager for me to be around…I love you and that utterance of fact now sickens my stomach to offer remorse to the thought of the you in we….

Nasty how I can turn around that which I have learned and you being the successor have not played the game all too well…oh, I’m sorry it was me!
It seems that you were playing Halo and I was on Monopoly thinking you were even on the board…why fight when peace was all that was needed or was it just a piece…

I have deigned to be there, but when I offer the possibility of the latter, you retaliate…why?
Or are you really a prose that simple…

You come off as an aberration that overrates himself to a position higher that it appears…although you may not be talking to me- How can you conclude that this prose, in its simplicity, includes everything about you.

However irrational this may be my venting of the situation of thought came about from years past- but in all my talking you hear nothing but what you feel is necessary for thought of you to strike…

I know that once pen hits the paper there is no recourse and although it may seem well or well off…I truly was the one that is truly the aberration, after all.

The you we were to understand

The I in me clings to every word of the page like a favorite tune on 97.9…and I don’t even listen to that station!... I am a created fantasy, one that not even the we in me can tame- yet I have forfeit thoughts of rationality to allow IT to creep in on a snowy haze…ruining all…. I am crushed and I miss you…

My tears came from the snow and while I wished for them to wash me clean they brought amongst them an unpleasant fever…Now I have only acquired a comprehension of the me in I…so the you in we could live, can we live?

I had a bad reaction to the shellfish… one the brought about your departure…and I still smell you…..I guess sometimes women should just shut the fuck up!

How can I be so bold as to allow you to enter into a place that dwells in darkness…I fear now that the taste of me sours your stomach and I should have never opened that can of beans…Yet I feel the coward of the you in we have brought about a new silence, one the demonstrates possibilities of your existence of the you in us.

How does the displeasure of thoughts disintegrate into the abyss of spoken word…now it seems that you hide behind your prose.
I have denigrated my existence…and while I’d love for the you in we to accept it, I will not ask for it is something I am unsure of…

I was told not more than 2 weeks ago to walk away, but how do you walk away from something that is no longer there…how do I become someone I am not…why do I even try…I really don’t want to leave… almost as a need.

Your style reflects a passion within me to shine and I wish that the light would no longer blind my existence….I have come to a place of restitution- though I cannot see it at this distance because your silhouette blocks the light.

Will you move over three steps?

Can I really live here in the places of thought that wish not to be disclosed even as its maker…I am not something that I am only to become something that I am not…I am what I thought was to be…so, do I share this…
And I am angry and no sleep can make shelter for the mind and cloudiness for the soul; because I can’t be spoken to…there is no direct line to open communication if I don’t allow it…

You can’t expect me to feel wanted as every outside aspect is telling me to flee…I can only fight but so much before death takes over and leaves you to see the I in me as nothing…Why do you close down so brilliantly and allow no one in…is this your past not really dealt with- something that you’ve strewn through the years as a normalcy…I want to understand.

Do you think that you were you good enough! Don’t use me as a puppet toward your enjoyment, I have cut the strings…I am not the chameleon that you claim, notice the reaction to the shellfish…

So what is this….Are you scared?...I need to understand!

If you can no longer deal, walk away…. but answer my questions first…There is a need to understand.