The I in me clings to every word of the page like a favorite tune on 97.9…and I don’t even listen to that station!... I am a created fantasy, one that not even the we in me can tame- yet I have forfeit thoughts of rationality to allow IT to creep in on a snowy haze…ruining all…. I am crushed and I miss you…
My tears came from the snow and while I wished for them to wash me clean they brought amongst them an unpleasant fever…Now I have only acquired a comprehension of the me in I…so the you in we could live, can we live?
I had a bad reaction to the shellfish… one the brought about your departure…and I still smell you…..I guess sometimes women should just shut the fuck up!
How can I be so bold as to allow you to enter into a place that dwells in darkness…I fear now that the taste of me sours your stomach and I should have never opened that can of beans…Yet I feel the coward of the you in we have brought about a new silence, one the demonstrates possibilities of your existence of the you in us.
How does the displeasure of thoughts disintegrate into the abyss of spoken word…now it seems that you hide behind your prose.
I have denigrated my existence…and while I’d love for the you in we to accept it, I will not ask for it is something I am unsure of…
I was told not more than 2 weeks ago to walk away, but how do you walk away from something that is no longer there…how do I become someone I am not…why do I even try…I really don’t want to leave… almost as a need.
Your style reflects a passion within me to shine and I wish that the light would no longer blind my existence….I have come to a place of restitution- though I cannot see it at this distance because your silhouette blocks the light.
Will you move over three steps?
Can I really live here in the places of thought that wish not to be disclosed even as its maker…I am not something that I am only to become something that I am not…I am what I thought was to be…so, do I share this…
And I am angry and no sleep can make shelter for the mind and cloudiness for the soul; because I can’t be spoken to…there is no direct line to open communication if I don’t allow it…
You can’t expect me to feel wanted as every outside aspect is telling me to flee…I can only fight but so much before death takes over and leaves you to see the I in me as nothing…Why do you close down so brilliantly and allow no one in…is this your past not really dealt with- something that you’ve strewn through the years as a normalcy…I want to understand.
Do you think that you were you good enough! Don’t use me as a puppet toward your enjoyment, I have cut the strings…I am not the chameleon that you claim, notice the reaction to the shellfish…
So what is this….Are you scared?...I need to understand!
If you can no longer deal, walk away…. but answer my questions first…There is a need to understand.
Monday, March 05, 2007
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Race
I feel the race of my breath beating silently against my heart…dryness fills the cup of my tongue and I am speechless…I wept silently then inwardly revealing the shiver that overtook each word on the page, not wanting it to end.
Erection from each limb succeeds to open my eyes and live truth…maybe.
Such breathtaking presence shakes me from the cold into the heat of winter and…WOW…I am really here…not wanting to leave the essence as I draw nearer to the window exclaiming victory…victory!
I feel a sudden urge to listen attentively…touch indecently…and whisper, euphorically…moving the very being into creation…the one that’s hidden out of sight, deep in the crevices…your thought provoked an ember contained and the fire spake before I was able to notice there was voice.
Magnificent.
My mind weeps again as I realize I am no longer awake but in a dream…in a state of being…I am foggy…my eyes glaze over and I realize I cannot see. I am sober.
The metaphors used instinctively captured me revealing the next phrase…I swoon, and believe that I can walk a straight line- drunk…My sanity is torn…I can’t find my way out of this pleasure unfocused…I lapse into a creative funk and strewn my fantasies while revolving around them… I collapse, heart pounding silently against my thoughts and I cannot believe I am here…the static that clings to me, burns and blinds and I want to rid myself of it but I am not withering due to it, so I weep.
I weep a song of patience one so trivial to my being that I am disclosed, misplaced and I wait…the pattern has found me utterly disgusted of the significance it brings to sound…I can not wait and I forced to drive a path that I have designed utterly impossible…I want to close this off and being again a new driven path- roads that I have not known to create on the fly.
Silence.
I watch as the days go by and I am satisfied being unfulfilled, how can I want more when I do not strive for- patience.
I race toward a figure unknown- learning utterly that it’s my reflection in the shadows of the dark surrounded by light, inviting light. Living…for light…and I race.
Erection from each limb succeeds to open my eyes and live truth…maybe.
Such breathtaking presence shakes me from the cold into the heat of winter and…WOW…I am really here…not wanting to leave the essence as I draw nearer to the window exclaiming victory…victory!
I feel a sudden urge to listen attentively…touch indecently…and whisper, euphorically…moving the very being into creation…the one that’s hidden out of sight, deep in the crevices…your thought provoked an ember contained and the fire spake before I was able to notice there was voice.
Magnificent.
My mind weeps again as I realize I am no longer awake but in a dream…in a state of being…I am foggy…my eyes glaze over and I realize I cannot see. I am sober.
The metaphors used instinctively captured me revealing the next phrase…I swoon, and believe that I can walk a straight line- drunk…My sanity is torn…I can’t find my way out of this pleasure unfocused…I lapse into a creative funk and strewn my fantasies while revolving around them… I collapse, heart pounding silently against my thoughts and I cannot believe I am here…the static that clings to me, burns and blinds and I want to rid myself of it but I am not withering due to it, so I weep.
I weep a song of patience one so trivial to my being that I am disclosed, misplaced and I wait…the pattern has found me utterly disgusted of the significance it brings to sound…I can not wait and I forced to drive a path that I have designed utterly impossible…I want to close this off and being again a new driven path- roads that I have not known to create on the fly.
Silence.
I watch as the days go by and I am satisfied being unfulfilled, how can I want more when I do not strive for- patience.
I race toward a figure unknown- learning utterly that it’s my reflection in the shadows of the dark surrounded by light, inviting light. Living…for light…and I race.
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Silently I wait
I have come to fight the thoughts of pestilence submerging fortitude into the abyss of dreams I want to live…is it the loss of interest that brings me to a place of defeat…I sent a text to reveal the me of thought and I cannot play here in the mind of dreams, so I give in and listen to silence while I await you…
What does it mean when we say nothing…have we come up with a black hole to live in…So I play temptation with the flute of disparaging to prolong time…I don’t want to loose an era for the future…I have suspended all pleasure for this to come out…and the pit reveals the disclosure of this nervous feeling…
What am I to say except, shut out the thoughts of contemplation and BE…forget the minds of we- separate…love? What is this, except a common fallacy shared by all…
I can’t forgo the sunshine, the pounding of my blood vessel to bring us back while sinking ships with its red clay sea…I want to smoke away the silence that lives in us to see your butterfly untrammeled and fluttery a boisterous soliloquy, revealing all sources of displeasure.
I can’t talk the mind of shrewd bliss…cleanse the windows of your soul and be complacent to be peaceful…unknown to my reasons…you’re still here…
Are you?
I cannot hear the whisper of your footsteps among the shadows of night and I have come to listen to the silence while I wait…
I hear you peacefully reciting an oral musing while I await the silent music of pieces… falling…I give you time knowing that I am not what I have seen…your beauty is opulent and while it makes no sense for it to be here, I still welcome it.
Mystery mystifies the pursuit…yet I remain inward proposing to widen the clutter that I am…listen to me while I await the silence of you…
When I became the failure, you saw no reason to stay, but no reason to come to my aid- vainly hoping that I would pull myself out of the darkness…why do you turn so easily when the sight displeases your vision…your life is full of things that I cannot master and while securely I rest on the blanket of knowledge, you can never fully understand what breaks me to remain. Loose rationale has forever lost its place in my home and I cannot come to bear the fact that emotion is trying to replace it…it’s never been welcome.
I am so clearly swayed by thoughts that I will loose out on time that I have become patient in my waiting…wanting, searching, for a way to break the silence and free the bird that can never be captured…Have you thought about what it means to remain still?
It’s frightening.
My gracious attempts to please you have been lost with an attempt to understand myself and why I am so accommodating… I dislike a rocky boat and while I rationalize away emotion, it creeps up in my attempts to be normal- a fact I never have come to recognize.
I wonder why is it that I wait.
The beats slow to a whisper and I know that I am waiting….not for you but for myself.
What does it mean when we say nothing…have we come up with a black hole to live in…So I play temptation with the flute of disparaging to prolong time…I don’t want to loose an era for the future…I have suspended all pleasure for this to come out…and the pit reveals the disclosure of this nervous feeling…
What am I to say except, shut out the thoughts of contemplation and BE…forget the minds of we- separate…love? What is this, except a common fallacy shared by all…
I can’t forgo the sunshine, the pounding of my blood vessel to bring us back while sinking ships with its red clay sea…I want to smoke away the silence that lives in us to see your butterfly untrammeled and fluttery a boisterous soliloquy, revealing all sources of displeasure.
I can’t talk the mind of shrewd bliss…cleanse the windows of your soul and be complacent to be peaceful…unknown to my reasons…you’re still here…
Are you?
I cannot hear the whisper of your footsteps among the shadows of night and I have come to listen to the silence while I wait…
I hear you peacefully reciting an oral musing while I await the silent music of pieces… falling…I give you time knowing that I am not what I have seen…your beauty is opulent and while it makes no sense for it to be here, I still welcome it.
Mystery mystifies the pursuit…yet I remain inward proposing to widen the clutter that I am…listen to me while I await the silence of you…
When I became the failure, you saw no reason to stay, but no reason to come to my aid- vainly hoping that I would pull myself out of the darkness…why do you turn so easily when the sight displeases your vision…your life is full of things that I cannot master and while securely I rest on the blanket of knowledge, you can never fully understand what breaks me to remain. Loose rationale has forever lost its place in my home and I cannot come to bear the fact that emotion is trying to replace it…it’s never been welcome.
I am so clearly swayed by thoughts that I will loose out on time that I have become patient in my waiting…wanting, searching, for a way to break the silence and free the bird that can never be captured…Have you thought about what it means to remain still?
It’s frightening.
My gracious attempts to please you have been lost with an attempt to understand myself and why I am so accommodating… I dislike a rocky boat and while I rationalize away emotion, it creeps up in my attempts to be normal- a fact I never have come to recognize.
I wonder why is it that I wait.
The beats slow to a whisper and I know that I am waiting….not for you but for myself.
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